She mounts GYLLENHAAL like she might an OSTRICH and with a sharp KICK to the hind quarters, rides him out into the PLAINS.ĮXT - the desert, night.
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Īs he speaks, ARTERTON breaks free of SIR BEN'S clutches and darts for the other side of the COURTYARD. GYLLENHAAL:Oh, what, this? It's just a scabby old dagger with the power to reverse time. GYLLENHAAL blushes and looks furtively at his PANTALOONS. He fixes ARTERTON with his coloured CONTACT LENSES and allows his LIP to wobble.ĪRTERTON: Is that a mystical dagger in your pocket or are you just pleased to see me?
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ARTERTON looks like Helen of Troy, Kingsley like he's still in role from the THUNDERBIRDS movie.ĪRTERTON: I'm not spoiled, I'm in the full flush of youth!Ĭut to GYLLENHAAL, who's suddenly the angsty romantic hero he's far more comfortable playing. Enter SIR BEN KINGSLEY, holding Gemma ARTERTON as prisoner. Having laid WASTE to it, JAKE GYLLENHAAL is now vaulting three CAMELS while balancing a POMEGRATE on his head. In the corner of the yard, hidden behind a piece of MUSLIN, watches the beautiful and fake-baked GEMMA ARTERTON. GYLLENHAAL speeds off, leaping up WALLS and kicking gaggles of SOLDIERS in the HEAD before pulling a DOUBLE PIKE in the air and narrowly avoiding impaling his GENITALS on a blacksmith's POKER. SIR BEN: Oh, go on then! But take care to replicate some trademark moves from the video game that spawned this unlikely franchise, you hear? GYLLENHAAL:Thanks Uncle! Can I run up some walls now? I love to run up walls! SIR BEN: Why of course! There's weapons in there, or my name's Dick Cheney! That's one for the parents. GYLLENHAAL: Just to check they're definitely sitting on a huge stash of weapons of mass destruction like you said? It's just, I wouldn't want to invade a Middle Eastern state under false pretences. SIR BEN: That's my illegitimate nephew, that is. GYLLENHAAL: To wreak havoc amongst their livestock! And devalue their currency! JAKE GYLLENHAAL: I stand ready to storm this beautiful city of Alamut and lay waste to its honourable people! The Caspian steppe, JAKE GYLLENHAAL, his uncle SIR BEN KINGSLEY and approximately 2m EXTRAS are standing in the midday heat, swaying under the weight of meticulously recreated Persian ARMOUR. PRINCE OF PERSIA: THE SANDS OF TIMEBy Paul MacInnes, with apologies to Boaz Yakin, Doug Miro, Carlo Bernard and othersĮXT – day.